Forum Archive Index - October 2000

["Philip Robinson" <robph639@student.otago.ac.nz>]

Must say Ril for all your cynicism you do make a great story teller.
Phil

> From time to time I am rung by Kiwi moochers who want
> free accommodation in London. The latest two were a
> treat.
>
> Both of them were professionals from Auckland in their
> early thirties.
>
> After they arrived we decided to get something to eat.
> So out we went to my favourite restaurant.
>
> The waiter came to take the order and I chose the
> crown roast, followed by cherries jubilee (an old
> favourite) along with an earthy but not
> overly-friendly Chilean red and finishing with thick
> Brazilian coffee.
>
> The waiter then turned to the Kiwis. "Just water
> please", they replied. What an embarrassment.
>
> Out came my meal which I attacked with gusto while the
> Kiwis had water. Apparently they couldn't afford food.
> I thought about tossing them a celery stick each but
> instead launched into a speech about economies.
>
> "You can't come from a rice and potatoes economy to a
> crown roast economy and expect to eat proper food", I
> said.
>
> They pulled out a calculator (they were accountants)
> and we determined that the cost of my meal (including
> tips) was the equivalent of an average week's wages in
> banana-land. Each tasty bite would take nearly two
> hours for the average kiwi to earn.
>
> Feeling guilty I shouted them a carton of Chinese
> (moggy fried rice) on the way home and left them
> munching contentedly at the kitchen table.
>
> Given they were saving hundreds of banana dollars on
> accommodation I thought they could have shouted me.
>
> As they curled up in their sleeping-bags on my living
> room floor, I thought this must be what it feels like
> to be a Texan married to a Mexican and having all the
> wet-back rellies turn up penniless.
>
> Lastly, I told them a bed-time story about currencies,
> interest rates, GDP and economic collapse. The one
> where Cinderella (New Zealand) never gets the prince
> but ends up working in a sweat-shop with a fag hanging
> out of her mouth.
>
> They smiled; happy to have a roof to sleep under as I
> turned out the light. Bless their peasant hearts.
>
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