Forum Archive Index - October 2000

[RIL <ril99_99@yahoo.co.uk>]

>From time to time I am rung by Kiwi moochers who want
free accommodation in London. The latest two were a
treat. 

Both of them were professionals from Auckland in their
early thirties.

After they arrived we decided to get something to eat.
So out we went to my favourite restaurant.

The waiter came to take the order and I chose the
crown roast, followed by cherries jubilee (an old
favourite) along with an earthy but not
overly-friendly Chilean red and finishing with thick
Brazilian coffee.  

The waiter then turned to the Kiwis. "Just water
please", they replied. What an embarrassment. 

Out came my meal which I attacked with gusto while the
Kiwis had water. Apparently they couldn't afford food.
I thought about tossing them a celery stick each but
instead launched into a speech about economies.

"You can't come from a rice and potatoes economy to a
crown roast economy and expect to eat proper food", I
said.

They pulled out a calculator (they were accountants)
and we determined that the cost of my meal (including
tips) was the equivalent of an average week's wages in
banana-land. Each tasty bite would take nearly two
hours for the average kiwi to earn.

Feeling guilty I shouted them a carton of Chinese
(moggy fried rice) on the way home and left them
munching contentedly at the kitchen table.

Given they were saving hundreds of banana dollars on
accommodation I thought they could have shouted me.

As they curled up in their sleeping-bags on my living
room floor, I thought this must be what it feels like
to be a Texan married to a Mexican and having all the
wet-back rellies turn up penniless.

Lastly, I told them a bed-time story about currencies,
interest rates, GDP and economic collapse. The one
where Cinderella (New Zealand) never gets the prince
but ends up working in a sweat-shop with a fag hanging
out of her mouth.

They smiled; happy to have a roof to sleep under as I
turned out the light. Bless their peasant hearts. 

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