Forum Archive Index - May 2001

[Sarah Corkill <sarahcorkill@yahoo.com>]

For amusement only - It is in no way intended to offend anyone. Enjoy :o)

Glossary of new stock market terms & definitions

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market
keeps crashing.

"Buy,Buy" - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step
off the plane.

Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.

Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to
mistakehimself for a financial genius.

Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the
wife gets no jewellry and the husband gets no sex.

Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets
equally between themselves.

Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs
to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
toilet.

Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient
times before e-mail.

Day Traitor - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.

Cisco - Side kick of Poncho.

Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per
share.

Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought
Yahoo for $540 per share.

Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut
house.

Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.

Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.

Alan Greenspan - God.

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