Forum Archive Index - November 2002

["tennyson@caverock.net.nz" <tennyson@caverock.net.nz>]

NZPA(SR)

Following the disgraceful performance of the All Blacks and Wallabies 
on their Northern Hemisphere tours, respective new coaches Jon Palmer 
and Geoff Dixon jointly announced a 'working alliance' of their two 
teams today.

At the ensuing press conference in New Zealand, new All Black 
coach Jon Palmer was asked whether the cancellation of test matches 
between Australia and New Zealand for as long as the game of rugby 
union exists might be seen as a reduction in competition for the 
two nations.

"There will be some reduction of competition to be sure, but what we 
will have in the future is more -internal- competition." Palmer 
proudly announced.

"There will be more press conferences, more talk show speculation as 
players from both nations battle it out for each position, and more 
PR spin." 

"This will be exciting stuff and the public should feel more than 
compensated for any loss of action on the field." Palmer added.

"What we have here is a deal that is good for the public, good for 
the players (fewer games means fewer injuries), and good for the 
management in that we can justify higher fees for managing a combined 
Australasian effort."

When questioned as to whether he might not have the experience in 
rugby management to make such a far ranging sweeping change in policy 
direction, Palmer retorted:

"When I became chairman of Wrightson's I had no experience in 
retailing.  When I became chairman of Air New Zealand I had no 
experience in airlines.  I think my record speaks for itself."

"Statistically it doesn't make sense to operate as a stand alone 
New Zealand team in the global world of football." continued Palmer.  
 "Rugby has only a 20% share of the world football market and New 
Zealand and Australia make up only about one quarter of that.  Even 
with this new alliance in place, we make up only about 5% of the 
global football market - barely big enough to survive."

Palmer continued on:  "When 30 men step out onto the rugby field 
there are almost invariably 15 losers for every 15 winners."   
"These are very tough odds". "Rugby is a very tough business".

"What is more it seems that we have never had any women All Blacks 
in our rugby history." "This is a disgraceful inditement of previous 
sexist management policies." rounded out Palmer.

Strikingly, there was a loud interjection from the floor when a 
journalist, leaping to their feet, brought to a halt the tirade of 
press conference enthusiasm from Palmer.

"You aren't seriously suggesting we are going to see women mixing it 
up with men on the paddock under your management regime Mr. Palmer!"

"Not at all" responded Palmer.  "But you will see more off field 
substitutions and women on the bench within the All Blacks."   "After 
all, there is no reason that a woman shouldn't perform just as well 
as a man when on the sidelines."

"Furthermore the fact that there are less games to play overall, 
means that all the players will have a lot more time to appear in 
womens' magazines, further balancing the gender interest." added 
Palmer. 

"Fears that we will be subsumed by our Australian neighbours are 
unfounded."  emphasized Palmer.  "Under this alliance deal, each of 
the All Blacks will be allowed to retain their own given names, and 
 their country of residence."

"Of course a new combined team name will be required and this is 
where the public come in." 

It is the public who will largely drive the new combined team brand 
rebuilding process.  They will be asked to vote on a prospective new 
team name. 'Mostly Brown Quarter Blacks' and ,'Poached Pouchers' are 
the names favoured by Aussie coach Dixon at this early stage, while 
'Blackballed Jumpers' and 'Klever Kiwi Roos' are the two front 
running names favoured by Palmer.

-ends-

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